True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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