Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
