Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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