I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
