it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
