this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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