ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
