Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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