I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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