Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
