Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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