I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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