Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
