This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
