OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
