They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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