matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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