I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
