I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
