I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize