PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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