Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
