his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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