He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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