he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
