I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
