dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Houston, we have a blender
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
