I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
