I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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