You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
