my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
