I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
