Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
