Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
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