am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hippo gnu deer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
