you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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