I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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