He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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