He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
