I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
