right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
