let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
