I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm passing your future prison.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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