all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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