We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
