I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
