Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
