last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
