Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you didnt know i had herpes?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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