I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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