does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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