Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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