I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize