I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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