Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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