i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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