I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
