4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
