I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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