Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize