Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
