Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just had sex bonerless
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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