Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
