The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
