break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
