Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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