you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
