if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i believe in u and ur pee
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