in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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