I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
