just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
