Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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