I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
