the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
