You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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