Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
