i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
