I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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