I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
