I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
