Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
