I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
