she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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