I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
