you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize