last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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