So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
