yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize