why do cheetos always look like penises
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
