so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
