oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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