I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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