She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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