I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
