There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
