2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
