I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize