my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
