CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
