Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
