did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
