i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
50% drunk capacity currently
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
