I faked an abortion last night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
