She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
