and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
