saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize