so that wasnt chicken after all
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
