I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
