i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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