I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
