I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
