Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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