You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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