You made me cry and you don't even care
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
