just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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